Dear Brenda,
Last week, I hit it off with my new dentist, who I have seen twice. He seems close to my age and I am very, very attracted to him. In the short time we have spent together (as patient and dentist) were both laughing a lot and the way our eyes would connect was unreal. The receptionist even started telling me information about him out of the blue, which seemed odd to me, but it was kind of nice as well. While I am interested in him, I am also a professional and I would not appreciate being hit on at work. So I have no idea what I can do that is appropriate, but still puts the idea in his head that I am interested. I do like the guy to make the first move, so I was thinking of maybe just making an off the cuff comment to the receptionist just to kind of plant the seed. Your thoughts? I have another appointment on Monday but then I probably won’t see him for 6 months.
Thanks,
Impatient Patient
Dear Impatient Patient,
Hold on there, lovely!
While your dentist might be drop-jaw gorgeous, hitting on someone you pay to provide a service is a tricky situation that most professionals I have spoken to say they’d like to avoid. Even if your dentist does look forward to your appointments, you have not spent enough time together to know if he’s just an attractive-and taken/uninterested- flirt or if he genuinely wants to kiss that mouth he’s cleaning. Either way, I’d bet my left molar no professional goes running to his staff to set him up with someone, so the receptionist might simply be a gossip or have a crush on her boss, herself. Before you go fishing for information or dropping crush bombs, consider the idea that this man runs a business and he might not want the woman who answers his phones knowing in his.
Here’s my suggestion: Be patient while being his patient and feel free to chat him up while you’re in the office (but keep mum on any feelings to him and his staff). Once you have completed treatment, if you still feel a vibe, you can take the chance and ask him out to coffee or out for a drink. If he says yes, congrats, and if he doesn’t, you help to avoid a truly awkward situation. In addition, don’t hold your breath for him to hit on you, regardless of how he feels. He’s a professional, and if he cares about his reputation (and avoiding potential lawsuits) he’s not going to ask his patients out.
Good Luck!
Brenda
To contact Brenda for Private Consulting, please email Cinderellawasaliar@gmail.com
Visit Walking Barefoot www.strollwithoutshoes.com for your daily lifestyle and wellness updates!
To see the official Cinderella Was a Liar site, please click here.
@BrendaDellaCasa
Check out my advice in Cosmo Australia here
You’re Not Sorry Taylor Swift
Strong Enough Cher
It’s Not Right (But It’s OK) Whitney
Out of Love Anastacia
Sorry Madonna
Stronger Britney
And the mother of all break-up songs, I will Survive- Glorious Gloria
What’s Your Fav Break-Up Song?
Don’t forget to become a friend on Facebook!
Whether it’s telling ourselves that a lad is not calling because he lost our number or convincing ourselves that he cannot commit,we gals love to fib when it comes to romance.
The truth is that we are totally kidding ourselves.
A man isn’t from another planet nor is he going to sit by and allow a woman he cares about to slip through his hands.
Men are competitive by nature which means that unless he is calling you, inviting you out, introducing you to his friends and generally making you a part of his life and world it’s best to assume he’s not interested.
Though we give them a lot of power, men are not mystical creatures who need any sort of extreme analysis. If a suitor is interested in you, he will pursue you. A man will always tell you who he is through his actions. The trouble is most of us don’t want to listen to what they are saying.
There is something very interesting that happens when a woman starts to suffer from Ring Finger Erectile Dysfunction (a term taken from Cinderella Was A Liar) suddenly her naked finger pops up at inopportune moments and causes her to act and react in ways she normally wouldn’t dream of acting.
If you are interested in getting married and your significant other is not moving forward fast enough there are things to consider before you drag him into therapy or start demanding he jump on your timeline.
First, how is the relationship? Is he committed and loving? Are things going well? If so, there is a good chance he is not financially prepared to take the next step with you. Most men see marriage as a financial commitment and they want to be able to take care of their wives and not just have the money to buy a nice cushion cut.
Secondly, why are you stressing out about getting married? Are you interested in the wedding or the marriage? Are your friends all getting hitched and you are feeling like you need to keep up with the Jane’s? A marriage is a lot more than popping a question and walking down the aisle and saying “I do” only offers you a piece of paper that confirms you said it. The best thing a woman can do is relax and allow him to move along at his own pace. If she’s been waiting 10 years and he’s not asking and she wants to marry, then it’s time to sit him down and ask him if marriage is something he is interested in if he says no, move on. If it’s been 3 years, relax and for goodness sakes, get off of TheKnot.com!
The Great First Date (See the column here).
-Brenda Della Casa
Diving into the dating pool can be a little nerve-wrecking but with the right mindset and a little common sense, taking a few laps can be a lot of fun. Read below for a few tips on how to be a great first date (and what makes someone else worth going out with again!)
Be on Time
Making someone wait by the door, at the restaurant or in your living room is rude. Never be more than 10 minutes late arriving (and always call if you will be more than 5) and be ready to go when they arrive to pick you up.
Dress to Impress
Find out where you are going and dress appropriately and comfortably- but fashionably. Make sure your clothes flatter you without showing off everything (a little mystery is sexy) and guys, press your slacks and wear a clean, tailored shirt.
Keep Your Secrets
The table isn’t a confessional or Oprah. Dates are supposed to be fun and about getting to know the person you have gone out with so keep the details of your messy divorce, your mother’s abuse and the play-by-play of your last therapy sessions under wraps for now. Instead, share your favorite places to travel, your hobbies, the things you love about your city, your favorite books and movies and your passions. You are more than just what you have endured.
Use Your Manners
How you carry yourself says a lot about who you are. Being rude to cab drivers and waiters only shows your date how you will be treating them six months down the line and acting like you are doing someone a favor by going out with them is deeply offensive. Flash your class by using good table manners, thanking the staff for serving you and always thanking your date for a nice time, even if it fell below your expectations.
Don’t Lie
If you don’t plan to call, don’t say you will. Simply thank the other person for a nice evening and say goodnight.
Don’t Sleep With Them:
It sounds old-fashioned but really it’s about common sense. Out of the nearly 1,000 men I interviewed for Cinderella Was a Liar all but one of them said that a woman sleeping with them on the first date made them less interested the next day and hundreds of women said they regretted sex too soon because a great date turned into a one night stand. A first date is a stranger. Regardless of how well you click, you don’t know this person, their health history or if they ever plan to see you again so why ruin the mystery and possibly get a physical or emotional sore?
Don’t Take It So Personal:
Dating is a way of meeting and getting to know people and nothing more. Attaching all of your romantic hopes and dreams to dinner with a new person places a lot of pressure on the evening and will likely be evident in the things you say and do on the date. Likewise, attaching your self esteem to whether or not the other person “likes you” back is a dangerous game to play. The truth is that you don’t know this person so if they don’t feel enough spark to ask you out again or accept your offer, it isn’t a rejection of you as a person but a mature response to a lack of chemistry. Also remember that sometimes it is OK to just have a nice time.
Brenda Della Casa is the internationally published author of Cinderella Was a Liar (www.cinderellawasaliar.com) and the creator and sole writer of Walking Barefoot (www.strollwithoutshoes.com)
Ask For His Help With Something: Yes, it’s totally cheesy to play the damsel but it works. Men like to feel strong, courageous and needed so the next time you need some heavy-lifting or your lights go out, scribble an S.O.S on your smile and knock on your cute neighbors door. When he comes over, offer him something to drink and chat him up.
Ask For His Opinion: In a bookstore, ask him about a book. In a clothing store, get his opinion on a new dress or shoes. I have yet to meet a man who doesn’t want to share his vast knowledge with the world-at-large, let alone a pretty lady who is asking for it (and by it, I meant the opinion)
Invite Him Out: Have an upcoming get-together that could use a little extra hot guy? Ask him to join. Now, before you ask him to check the “beef or fish” keep in mind that this is only good for “laid back” events such as bowling, dancing, the movies, a chill happy hour and so on. You might think it’s nice to invite him to meet grandma three hours after meeting but he just sees a rabbit boiling.
Compliment Him: “Nice ____________” works well. Tie/shirt/smile/briefcase/phone/hair/eyes/arms/watch. Just avoid “Car” and any body part below the waist.
Smile and say “Hello”. It works.
