How To Be a Great First Date (Basil & Spice Column)

The Great First Date  (See the column here).

-Brenda Della Casa

Diving into the dating pool can be a little nerve-wrecking but with the right mindset and a little common sense, taking a few laps can be a lot of fun.  Read below for a few tips on how to be a great first date (and what makes someone else worth going out with again!)

Be on Time

Making someone wait by the door, at the restaurant or in your living room is rude.  Never be more than 10 minutes late arriving (and always call if you will be more than 5) and be ready to go when they arrive to pick you up.

Dress to Impress

Find out where you are going and dress appropriately and comfortably- but fashionably.  Make sure your clothes flatter you without showing off everything (a little mystery is sexy) and guys, press your slacks and wear a clean, tailored shirt.  

Keep Your Secrets

The table isn’t a confessional or Oprah.  Dates are supposed to be fun and about getting to know the person you have gone out with so keep the details of your messy divorce, your mother’s abuse and the play-by-play of your last therapy sessions under wraps for now. Instead, share your favorite places to travel, your hobbies, the things you love about your city, your favorite books and movies and your passions.  You are more than just what you have endured.

Use Your Manners

 How you carry yourself says a lot about who you are.  Being rude to cab drivers and waiters only shows your date how you will be treating them six months down the line and acting like you are doing someone a favor by going out with them is deeply offensive.  Flash your class by using good table manners, thanking the staff for serving you and always thanking your date for a nice time, even if it fell below your expectations.

Don’t Lie

If you don’t plan to call, don’t say you will.  Simply thank the other person for a nice evening and say goodnight.

Don’t Sleep With Them:

It sounds old-fashioned but really it’s about common sense.  Out of the nearly 1,000 men I interviewed for Cinderella Was a Liar all but one of them said that a woman sleeping with them on the first date made them less interested the next day and hundreds of women said they regretted sex too soon because a great date turned into a one night stand.  A first date is a stranger. Regardless of how well you click, you don’t know this person, their health history or if they ever plan to see you again so why ruin the mystery and possibly get a physical or emotional sore? 

Don’t Take It So Personal:   

Dating is a way of meeting and getting to know people and nothing more.  Attaching all of your romantic hopes and dreams to dinner with a new person places a lot of pressure on the evening and will likely be evident in the things you say and do on the date.  Likewise, attaching your self esteem to whether or not the other person “likes you” back is a dangerous game to play.  The truth is that you don’t know this person so if they don’t feel enough spark to ask you out again or accept your offer, it isn’t a rejection of you as a person but a mature response to a lack of chemistry.  Also remember that sometimes it is OK to just have a nice time.

Brenda Della Casa is the internationally published author of Cinderella Was a Liar (www.cinderellawasaliar.com) and the creator and sole writer of Walking Barefoot (www.strollwithoutshoes.com)