You’re Not Sorry (CSI Remix) Taylor Swift
Cry Me a River- Justin Timberlake
Strong Enough- Cher
Stronger- Britney Spears
You’ll See- Madonna
Before He Cheats- Carrie Underwood
What Goes Around (Comes Around)- Justin Timberlake
Irreplaceable- Beyonce
I Will Survive- Gloria (well, IT IS a classic for a reason!)
What’s Your Favorite Break-Up Song?
e-Diets
Brenda Della Casa
You’ve been told they are un-committable creatures from another planet who “think with their nether regions,” but the truth is, the guy in your life is a lot more like you than you might think — he just doesn’t know how to tell you.
If your man won’t open up about what’s on his mind, don’t fret. You are about to find out the top seven things he’s secretly wishing you would start and stop doing right now. No analyzing required!
Please Stop: Nagging Him to Be More Romantic
He never buys you flowers, takes you out to dinner or lives up to your grand romantic ideals like your sister’s guy. How does he know? You never stop telling him!
He Wishes You Would: Appreciate the Things He Does Do for You
Ok, so he may not surprise you with roses, but how about those days he walks the dogs so you can sleep in or the fact he suffers through your romantic comedies when he’s dying to see people run away from a chainsaw-wielding maniac?
Please Stop: Setting Him Up for Failure
You’ve been eating a little more pie and haven’t seen the gym in months. Your pants are significantly more snug, but you refuse to believe you have gained the 15 pounds the scale claims you have. So you decide to ask your guy the question that makes the ears of all men bleed… “Babe, do I look fat?”
What He Wants: To Get Out of the Line of Fire
Let’s deconstruct this for a second. You know you have gained weight, screwed up at work or should not have cut those bangs at home, but you don’t want to face it — so you expect your mate to boost your confidence by lying to you or running the risk of being called an inconsiderate jerk? This is hardly a healthy relationship habit!
What He Wants: You to Accept Him for Who He Is
You really like your guy, but his style, haircut and/or Star Wars obsession makes you cringe. He’s a really nice guy, so you keep dating him with the intention of “tweaking him to perfection” once he agrees to go exclusive.
Please Stop: Trying to Change Him
While it’s normal for partners to influence one another, telling your guy to let go of ideas, opinions or the things he enjoys or cares about is controlling and disrespectful. If he tells you he’s a football fanatic while dating, don’t pout when he doesn’t want to do brunch on Sundays two years later.
Please Stop: Wearing So Much Green
A pretty saleslady tries to help him at the store and you accuse him of wanting to sleep with her. His best female friend calls him late at night and you wonder if they are having an affair. He’s so scared of your outbursts that he feels he can’t look anywhere but down when you’re out together!
What He Wants: You to Trust Him
While a little jealousy can keep a relationship fresh, there is nothing that can ruin a good time faster than a cold plate of distrust. Unless your guy is doing something to make you feel insecure or disrespected, cut him a little slack.
Please Stop: Analyzing Everything
We gals spend our Sunday brunches trying to figure out what he means, what he’s thinking and how to respond. Here are the answers: Exactly what he said, work/sports/that funny YouTube video and honestly.
What He Wants: Take Him at Face Value
I know you won’t believe me, but men are pretty straightforward creatures. Ever hear two men arguing and one of them saying, “What did you mean by that?” Yeah, didn’t think so.
Please Stop: Expecting Him to Always Make the First Move, Plans, etc.
You lie in bed waiting for him to put the moves on and get ticked when Friday rolls around and he’s made no plans.
What He Wants: You to Take the Initiative
Welcome to 2008, ladies. We can not only manage corporations and run for president, we can (gasp!) make dinner reservations, too! While the damsel role can be fun, the truth is, men love women who know what they want and are not afraid to go after it. They also love knowing that a woman cares enough about them to make the effort and pull out all of the stops for a change.
Please Stop: Making Him Choose Between You and His Friends
He’s Mr. Wonderful when he’s out with you, but get him around his old friend Jason and he’s lighting his farts and playing beer pong in 30 seconds flat! Why does he hang out with such a loser? He’s such a bad influence…
What He Wants: You to Respect His Relationships
You’d be hard-pressed to find a woman on the planet who likes every one of her partner’s friends, but that’s not the point. The fact is your guy is an individual who obviously feels a connection and bond with the people he has chosen to have in his life — in addition to the one he has with you — and just like those people need to respect your role, you need to respect theirs.
Relationships expert Brenda Della Casa is a journalist and casting agent who has spent the last six years interviewing single men and women for a variety of television shows and articles. Last year, she interviewed almost a 1,000 single, married and coupled men world-wide, together with hundreds of single women for her breakthrough book, Cinderella Was a Liar.
Brenda Della Casa
Article for e-Diets
Truth: There are no emotions in positions.
In spite of what you might have heard, doggie-style does not mean your man does not love you or respect you. Many men enjoy this controversial position because it not only feels good but satisfies their visual desires by giving them a full view of your gorgeous self. Allow yourself the freedom to enjoy the physical act without placing too much emphasis on what position goes with what emotional feeling. It doesn’t work that way.
Truth: You don’t have to look, dress or act like a porn star to be good in bed.
He might enjoy watching his favorite porn star act like a monkey in heat on-screen, but the truth is that most men want to enjoy the woman they are with when she is in her most authentic form. Though it might be fun to spice up the conversation with some saucy-talk or don some stilettos every once in a while, you should never do anything you are not comfortable doing in bed. Awkwardness, discomfort and embarrassment are as sexy as wet socks.
Truth: Perfect thighs do not guarantee perfect sex.
So you have cellulite and some spots are softer than others, join the club! The idea that a few lumps and bumps hinder sex appeal or ability is shameful; goddesses come all shapes and sizes. And because he’s so thrilled you are there with him, aliens could land on your rear and he wouldn’t notice.
Truth: Get out of bed and into the shower…the dining room…the living room.
Just the idea of being somewhere you shouldn’t be will create a forbidden vibe. Besides, anyone who has ever tried sex on the bathroom counter knows that a mirror can do everything a camcorder can do sans the embarrassment!
Truth: Foreplay doesn’t just happen right before the actual act.
Sex is sex, but build-up is sexy. A salacious text, a lingering stare or a glass of wine delivered with a subtle flash of your decollete give him a small peek into what is coming later.
Truth: Condoms can be sexy
These little lifesavers come in a variety of styles, flavors, textures and even vibrate! Find the ones that tickle your fancy and always carry one with you. Safe sex is the best sex.
Brenda Della Casa is the author of Cinderella Was a Liar (www.cinderellawasaliar.com) and Walking Barefoot (www.strollwithoutshoes.com)
In the beginning, the romance Gods created courtship, an amazingly intoxicating period where you and your new mate walked hand-in-hand through a thick, yummy love fog. You listened to what the other had to say, couldn’t keep your hands off of one another and you even found the way he avoided balancing his online accounts a “charming” aspect of his carefree personality. Fast-forward a few years and you’re battling the Discovery Channel for his attention, barely speaking over dinner and somehow that whole checking thing has become your biggest pet-peeve. What gives? If your great love affair has passed the Bogie and Bacall stage and headed straight into to Everybody Loves Raymond territory, it’s time for a detour. We’ve got the 411 on how to pass go, collect your romance and get right back into the good stuff, one gesture at a time.
Close: Date Night
Between jobs, kids and social obligations, it’s hard to find time for one another, so you keep a standing date on a specific night when you can catch up and relax a bit. While it sounds romantic in theory, the idea of penciling in dinner every other Friday is a routine, and routines become predictable (read: stale) over time.
Closer: Wooing One Another
Rev up your romance by switching up who takes the lead and surprising one another with fun nights out. Ask one another out the good, old fashioned way and take care of all of the planning. Schedule a sitter, make the reservations or simply buy a bottle of wine, light a few candles and surprise them with dinner at home. Your mate will love the element of surprise and also appreciate the pampered feeling of just showing up and enjoying the night you’ve worked so hard to give them. Showing your mate they are worth impressing will make them feel appreciated and loved, and who are we kidding… You’ll feel great knowing you rocked their night!
Close: Having Sex
The day-to-day demands of living and running a household, office or just your own personal errands can be downright exhausting for most of us — which is why when your significant other reaches over to your side of the bed, it can be easier to give them a nudge instead of a little nookie.
Closer: Having Great Sex… Often!
I know it’s a common practice, but let’s be real here, scheduled sex is the equivalent of “take off your pants” as foreplay. It’s hardly sexy and there’s zero mystery. So instead of typing a missionary meeting in your Outlook, stir a little saucy into your private life by doing something a few times a week to connect on a carnal level. Read erotic stories together before bed, send one another “for your eyes only” text messages, give your spouse a peek of what’s underneath by undressing slowly after a hard day at the office. If you are really feeling frisky, surprise them by joining them in the shower. Being sexually playful will not only bring you closer, it will make you feel flirtatious, sexy and fun. It’s a win/win situation.
Close: You Verbally Graze Throughout the Day
You chat online when you can, make a call at lunch and ask how your partners’ day was when they get home. You don’t need to “talk” because you already know what is going on, so you both do your own thing, in silence.
Closer: Have a Hearty Chat
A lot of times couples forget they are made up of two individuals who are sharing their lives together, yet have their own thoughts, desires, fears, goals and dreams. This is why it’s important to check in every now and then. Once a week, sit down and talk to your partner face-to-face about things unrelated to the menial tasks and errands that need running. Ask them how they feel about where their life is headed, their thoughts on a current event or how they are handling their new project at work. Your partner will appreciate the attention and most likely reciprocate. There is a good chance you’ll walk away learning something new about one another — which is part of the excitement of the courtship period. Side note: Be sure to listen closely, maintain eye contact and keep the judgments and criticisms to a minimum. You don’t want them to fear opening up to you in the future.
Close: You Order In Together You worked late and your guy is drained from a long day under the dictation of an angry man. The last thing either of you want to do is slave over a hot stove, so you call your favorite Chinese takeout place (again!)
Closer: Get Cooking Go to your local bookstore and pick up a cookbook with exotic recopies you both are open to trying. Once a week, grab a bottle of wine, light a few candles, turn up the music and spend the evening preparing and cooking a meal together. You’ll feel like a team. Plus, food is a great aphrodisiac. Don’t believe me? Try feeding one another crème brulee and watch what happens.
Brenda Della Casa is the author of Cinderella Was a Liar (www.cinderellawasaliar.com) and Walking Barefoot (www.strollwithoutshoes.com)
The abuse of music superstar, Robyn Rihanna Fenty (known to the world as “Rihanna”) has thrust domestic violence out of the shadows and onto center stage, opening discussions, heightening concerns and even sparking heated debates as to what it might mean for the superstar’s career should she stay with alleged abuser boyfriend, Chris Brown. While the picture of a battered and bruised superstar shocked the world, statistics say that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men could relate to it in some way. While there is not a completely fail-proof way to protect yourself from entering a violent relationship, abusers often share some common personality traits that can serve as warning signs. Read below to find out what they are.
A “Love at First Sight” Beginning
Many victims of abuse detail a “romantic” courtship where the abuser “came on strong” and professed their love and desire to move in together or even get married within the first few months of dating. The abuser may have started discussing the future in the first few weeks of dating or demanded exclusivity soon after meeting the victim.
Protect Yourself: It takes time to get to know someone enough to love them and an instant need for a total connection stems from desperation and a desire for others to fill a need within oneself. Take your time when getting to know someone and be weary of giving up your own home or ring finger too soon.
Lack of Accountability
Whether it’s getting fired or putting their hands on you, nothing an abuser says or does is their fault. If the person you are with is always “reacting” to others and using “You make me” statements such as “You make me so angry I throw things” or even “You make me whole” be aware. It shows they see themselves as totally reactive and out-of-control of their own lives.
Protect Yourself: We are all completely responsible for everything we choose to say and do in our lives. Others might make us angry or hurt our feelings but we choose how we will respond. You are never responsible for someone choosing to insult, push, punch or otherwise harm you. When someone blames you or others for their behavior, don’t accept it as the truth.
Check out the rest of my article here.
In the beginning of a relationship, most women look forward to the day their boyfriend pops the question that takes things to a whole new level. No, we’re not talking about that question but rather, “Will you come home with me?”
Being invited to meet his parents is a big step that most girlfriends are happy to take. That is, until she meets his family.
Read the rest of my article for Tango here.
We know that marital difficulty isn’t easy for either partner but a new study has concluded that when love goes downhill, it can hurt your heart in more ways than one, especially if you’re female.
Researchers at The University of Utah studied 276 couples in long-term marriages-the average couple had been together 25 years or more- and found that while both men and women were likely to suffer depressive symptoms as a result of an troubled union, unhappy wives were more likely to suffer signs of “metabolic syndrome”, group of metabolic risk factors that include abdominal obesity, elevated blood pressure, low levels ”good” cholesterol and high blood sugar and can increase the chances of suffering a heart attack or diabetes.
After discussing love with so many women over the years, I am not surprised that many would suffer very real physical symptoms as a result of being unhappy in their relationships. From an early age, women are told that everything they in life pale in comparison to finding their one “true love” (hey, who cares about that Ph.D as long as you have the ring, right?). If they do things right, this love of theirs won’t be any ole chap, either. No, he will be a “perfect prince” who will swoop in, white-wash their lives and take them straight into their very “happily ever after”.
Through re-worked Fairy Tales where the woman is always the one with the issue, comments from our thoughtful relatives and peers about what we need to do to get and keep a man, TV shows where bright, beautiful women “compete” for cheap roses and Meg Ryan movies where all problems are solved in two hours and sealed with a kiss, we gals are almost conditioned to attach our self-worth to our relationship status. No wonder so many of us are so quick to internalize relationship problems and equate a failed romantic situation with being a failure as a woman. Anyone who has ever walked around feeling as though they have a big “F” on their forehead knows that feelings of failure are often accompanied by their cruel entourage which includes pals like hopelessness, worthlessness, low energy and low self-esteem. It’s hard to feel motivate, to eat right and work out. Instead, many of us seek comfort in unhealthy habits such as drinking, smoking, excessive eating of “comfort foods” high in sugar or fat or simply not eating at all.
If you have found yourself in a similar situation, please read below for tips on staying healthy in spite of your relationship status or the state of your union.
Meditate: Start each day with five to ten minutes alone in a quiet space (the shower works) and close your body down, focusing only on positive words, thoughts and feelings. Think about your purpose for the day, one way in which you will work towards that purpose and what it will feel like to accomplish your personal goal.
Talk to Your Spouse: Sometimes the tension can be so thick that we forget there is another person with thoughts and feelings sitting in the room with us. Be the bigger (wo)man and reach out to your mate and ask them, “What do you think we should do about this?” You might be surprised at what they have to say.
Surround Yourself With Positive Food: Positive food is food that will work towards making your system work for you. Fruits, veggies, lean proteins and whole grains are all going to help you get through the day, feel great long-term and keep your body in better shape. If you can’t quite give up the “bad stuff” cold turkey, make healthy swaps. Have an English muffin with a tiny bit of butter (or just jelly) instead of a bagel, make your eggs with one yolk for every 3 you have (egg whites for the others), drink herbal tea or Crystal Light instead of sugary soda’s and cut your cheese, mayo and salad dressings down to half or less. Keep a food diary and look up the fat content and calories of everything you eat online and write it down. Pay attention to portion sizes.
Talk to Someone You Can Trust: Reach out to a counselor, pastor or an amazing friend who can help you manage your emotions and deal with the situation more objectively. If your spouse is accommodating, look into couple’s therapy.
Keep a Journal: Getting your thoughts and feelings out and on paper is often very helpful.
Don’t Be a Sponge: Try and avoid “soaking in” the mood of your spouse. Go for a walk, meet up with friends or take a book into another room.
Do Something Physical: Whether it’s a walking date with a friend, a gym membership that allows you to take classes or a Yoga DVD you do in the privacy of your own home-get moving. It might be hard at first but give yourself 3 weeks and I promise you, you’ll see and feel a lot different. You deserve to be healthy.
Create Your Space: Make your home look like the sanctuary you deserve it to be and find a place in it where you can feel free to be comfortable.
Make Some Decision’s: You have a right to live happily and healthfully.
A few years ago, while living with a boyfriend who was entertaining an old friend, I walked down the hallway and past my bathroom to find said old friend rummaging through my things in the medicine cabinet. When I asked if I could help her find something, she looked at me, a little stunned and mentioned she was “looking for hairspray.” I was floored and though I had nothing to hide, I felt violated. This was my personal space and while it was only filled with contact solution and Secret Deodorant, I didn’t appreciate someone going through it without my permission.
From checking your mate’s text messages to glancing at your colleagues emails to the boss, snooping is something many do but the question is not how common it is but how OK it is. There are some men and women for whom snooping has benefited them. They discovered partners were not being honest about who they were or what they were doing, they got an edge over a calculating colleague but, for others, sneaking around has caused massive guilt and even broken their relationships.
What do you think about snooping? Do you do it?
Would you break up with someone for doing it?
Instead of asking your partner if they have been unfaithful and hoping they tell you the truth (they likely won’t) stay silent and let their actions confess their sins.
Here are 10 Signs of Possible Infidelity
Defensive Behavior: Is your partner on the defensive or doing what I call “blame-shifting” every time you ask them about where they have been or try and clarify something that is not adding up? You only have to play defense against an opposing team and you’re both supposed to be on the same side so why wouldn’t they try to alleviate your fears or explain something to you?
Hiding Technology: OK, so just because you are in love doesn’t mean you have a right to snoop through their email account but if your mate is keeping their phone with them 24-7 and flips out every time you log onto their laptop without allowing them to delete their history, there’s an issue. What are they hiding? It might not be another person but it’s something.
Seperating From You in Public: Are they less touchy-feely? Less likely to hold hands or hang out in public? They either don’t want to be caught canoodling with you or are trying to send a message to the outside world that you aren’t together. This does not apply if they have always been against PDA’s of any kind.
Criticizing You: It is not uncommon for a cheating partner to do all they can to make you the “bad person in the relationship” in order to justify their going outside of it.
Suddenly Very Busy: Do they have to work late a lot? Are their business trips popping up? Are you finding they are hanging out with friends more than they used to?
They Suddenly Care Even More About Their Appearance: Hitting the gym more often? Dressing better? You can’t really attract or keep someone new in old sweats.
Pressuring you to do things differently: Does it seem as though your spouse is comparing you to someone else? Are they asking you to dress/look/act differently? Introducing new things into the relationship that seem out-of-character? Spicing things up is one thing but if your couch potato hubby who hates spicy food is suddenly pressuring you to go out for Latin food and salsa dancing, it’s a red flag.
A Significant Change in Your Sex Life: Are you finding that your partner’s hands are all over you, that you’re sleeping to his back or that he suddenly has a ton of new moves?
You find them on a personals site: Listen to me closely. No person in a relationship needs to be signed up on Match.com, Adultfriendfinder or any of the other online dating-or whatever else- sites. They will swear they were “just browsing” but that’s called a phat lie. Even if they were, (and they weren’t, believe me) since when is that OK?
Your Gut Is on Fire: Honey, you have it for a reason.
Ever wanted to know how not to fall in love with someone? Check out the how-to-not’s here.
